What about Charlotte?

            This week’s reading, “The New Girl Order” by Kay S. Hymowitz really struck some chords with me – both good and bad. Hymowitz rings the bells of feminism in this article, praising every woman who has spit in the face of tradition and carved her own path full of designer bags, cocktails and careers.  While reading an article full of examples of the independent-no-need-for-men Carrie Bradshaw’s around the world, I found myself asking, where are the Charlotte York’s? The romantic women who really thrive on the tradition and sanctity of marriage? Are we to assume that every woman’s inner desire is really to go out partying in high heels every night? (I can tell you it is definitely not mine.)

            Feminist movements, if that’s what we could even classify this as, seem to always be about each woman doing what she truly wants with her life and not being told what to do by her parents, or even worse, by men. My issue resides in this notion that every woman wants to be single until 35, and anyone who does otherwise is “giving up” on the potential for her life. Do we really no longer value our own mothers?

My sister, Alison, was married at age 22, had her first child at 23, and the second at 24. Let me guess, 85% of you just thought, “oh my god, what was she thinking? She is too young!” I even find myself having this reaction about young married peers from time to time, but let me tell you, from as early as I can remember, all I have ever heard my big sister talk about is how much she wanted to be a mom someday. When attending college she had no idea what she wanted to study, she just felt like she had to be there or people would look down on her. She ended up dropping out, and instead, starting a family – her life-long dream, and she could not be happier. I know plenty of people who look at young married women as the anti-feminists, when in fact; I would consider my sister to be the very definition of a feminist. A college degree is expected of almost all women these days and to drop out in order to start a family is something that has almost turned into some sort of freak show. Instead of following what society and my parents had always told Alison to do, she said screw it, and followed her own dream instead. Now she faces a plethora of judgments and discrimination because instead of what used to be the norm, she is now living what would be considered the most undesirable life to most of her 25-yr-old peers.

Hymowitz writes about our mother's and grandmother's generation and says, “Those women reached adulthood, which usually meant 18 or even younger; married guys from their villiage, or, if they were particularly daring, from the village across the river; and then had kids – end of story, except for maybe some goat milking, rice planting, or, in urban areas, shop tending. The New Girl Order means goodbye to such limitations.” While she is right in that this new way of life is providing more opportunities for the women who want them, I also think it is creating a caste of women who are being shunned or looked lowly on just because their own choices in life don’t include partying ‘til 3am and having ambitious careers.

Bottom line, all I’m saying is that true feminists believe in doing what you want without adhering to some lame expectations for what you “should” be. So, go forth women, be who you want to be… whether it’s a fashionista or a mother, I will admire you for being yourself either way.

- Kris Hendon